I am the eggman oh, they are the eggmen - Oh I am the walrus. GOO GOO G’JOOB.
These last few months have been utterly devastating, its almost like some one stuck a wrench through my chest and twisted my heart, and finally took it out and hurled it at the wall *sigh* ...
No i have not been broken up with, nor am i broken... on the contrary i am in one of the best moods i have been in since gods knows how long...hmmmm
A few months ago
We have been fighting for quite sometime now, he once used to say, i love us because we are on the same page..but lately the words on the page seem to have drifted apart, some seem to have been washed away with the tears and then again others seem to fade over time, the page itself seems to have taken the brunt of it all. Its a pale yellow, burnt away at the ends...But its still a page...and a page it shall be.
Someday when i m going through the attic dusting away the memories, sweeping through the cow webs i might come across this page, and it will make me smile, make me happy..remind me of a time so beautiful, so precious. And even though the words might have faded it shall still be 'our' page...
Today
Sitting near the window sill, watching the snowflakes falling on the green of the grass, sipping some hot chocolate...I wondered to myself, will it ever be the same again..meeting him was the best thing that's happened in a while now, with all things that i hold familiar crumbling, he was the glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. From a glimmer to a very bright blinding one, it took my breath away, it had me at 'hi'. Our conversations were like sagas, with emotions on over drive, with butterflies and all sorts of winged creatures fluttering everywhere. Talking to him was almost like having conversations with myself in front of a magic mirror in toonland, he could be bugs bunny one minute and the brain the next, i of course was pinky (er from pinky and the brain).
He could be be a sugar coated gummy bear one minute and the next if you looked closely i am sure you could see hints of evil in him. But did i care no sir i did not i was busy baking brownies for him...though he of course wouldn't settle for ordinary brownies, but then just for him i wouldn't mind doing some hash brownies as well...
Did i love him...no not just yet, did i like him?? do you even need to ask....but somewhere down the line, i don't know when but i did cross the line...what line ..well that's for you to figure out.
Conversations became epic tales, and random feelings developed into tangled ones. It was all hunky dory, but then Mr up there running the world, cant be sitting there without no entertainment, how is he ever going to get through mundane days, of course we need some drama drama drama...now scratching his chin and wondering who to pick on today ...we of course were unsuspecting targets...and there we went under the guillotine, only to find out it was a squeaky rubber toy, but whoever said those dreadful squeaky toys aren't as scary, hasn't the yellow rubber duck in the bathtub ever popped up and scared you !!!
Tales and epics of happiness became a huge tangled mess of deceit, it was like a fairytale gone bad...the tooth fairy became the wicked witch of the east or was it the west *sigh*.. as Dorothy and Toto got closer and closer to emerald city following the yellow brick road ....with the bad company and the chef playing cameos it all seemed to fall apart. There was no wizard, and no emerald city. It was just barren land, as we turned around to follow the yellow brick road back to wherever it took us, there was no road ...nothing..and we hadn't even left pebbles to remember our way...we stood stranded looking at the expanse of land that lay ahead of us....slowly we found ourselves drifting off to sleep...
*sigh*
Who said i needed magic mushrooms to give me my hallucinations, hot chocolate seemed to work just fine. 20 minutes later my hot chocolate was no more hot...i trotted to the kitchen, not looking forward to another unbearable rotten day...another day of fighting with him...another one of those days where i seem to be drifting in and out of reality, of finding ways to add some fantasy even to the deplorable state i was in.
Of reeling in the past, of going through it over and over again in my head, it was driving me insane.
Out in the evening trudging through the snow covered pavement i couldn't help but wonder...what next..
Another conversation was due, another one of those confronting him conversations trying to make him see the bigger picture, of trying to tell him that don't be scared the wicked witch of the east might not be that wicked after all...
Today it was the good ol tooth fairy, and cupid put together ( a fat kid with wings and a wand instead of a bow and arrow) was sure a sight for sore eyes...and the wand hit us just right...the tales of deceit were unravelled, and the king of hearts prevailed...
the page never made it into the attic and i never really got around to dusting the cow webs, the words that had been erased with all the weepy eyed glory were written again this time though 'we' used waterproof- tear proof ink... the mushrooms er... the hot chocolate was tucked away in the back of the kitchen closet..( no not thrown away) you never know when it might come in handy once again....
But today is our day, we are on the same page again...a little scalded a little blurred but we are here...falling off to sleep on a bed so soft and a room so warm, the radiator has been fixed and after a very long time its running on full blast....*sigh*
PS- if u were wondering what the Beatles song was doing right at the top, its just my HAPPY song:)
