Disgruntled

I always thought Blogging wasn't really my thing..but lately my brains been exploding with these thoughts...thoughts which seem to leave me deluded and very very lucid..

so what better than verbal  diarrhea or in this case written...er..typed.. so i thought to myself..maybe a blog should help..getting these thoughts onto paper getting them out of my system...to detox they say is good..so here i begin my journey to detox-ing the brain...

Now where do i really begin..my life...his life..their life.. erm...i took a vote and it was in the favour of my life.. does that surprise you ...i guess not it doesn't surprise me either * sigh* 

life's been awfully strange the last one year...i am 24 and i have no clue not even the slightest inkling as to what i want from life..damn now i don't even have life to blame for it...but really its like  if i fast forward myself into the future i think ..oh fish half my life is over and what have i really been up to...why do i not know what i want...i mean yes i do 'know' what i want i do have this blurred hazy image of life in a few years..but how do i get there...ummm can i have someone pointing me in the right direction..actually honestly i don't care if its right or wrong.. at the moment any direction would be mighty helpful..a slight nudge should do the trick... 

But then again..its my life..its funny how all through life you chant these three words day in and day out...especially during those torrential adolescent years...fighting with the folks...screaming ranting winging and whining ...but once Ur stuck like i am at 24 i wish i could be a baby again and someone else could take my decisions for me..why cant i have it served on a platter ..

hmmm now while i write this and hurl these undigested thoughts at this rectangular white space i wonder maybe instead of writing this blog i should probably be doing something constructive..( as dad puts it) ' do something constructive today'.  

oh well maybe another day another time..today is my day as the blogger...a cynical one at that..i reckon.. its cold today...brain numbing cold..if i stick my tongue out of the window i am sure it fall off or maybe the germs from the awful cold i  am running could be skiing on it, going wheeeeeeeeeee......

i have a question....not a new one ..i m sure its redundant and the people of the world have been asking it for ages now..but could someone out there anyone really...explain to me why does love bother me so much...i mean araghhhh love the four letter exploding with emotions emotion      (word repetition isn't a good thing..but alas i have a limited vocabulary and I'm doing the best i can in dire circumstances) cut me some slack will you... yes so getting back to asking the question ..why does it bother me so much ( i prefer referring to pssst * love* as it )...its strange how you cant wait to fall in love and feel the daisy's in Ur head go whoooooooooosh, for the heart to go thump thump thump ( yes yes that is love, or maybe a massive coronary--but then what doesn't kill you will only make u stronger)  but then there are times when my head says ahhhh enough...wasn't i happier being single and lonely..and with the luck i seem to be running these days..i m sure god up there heard this one right ..everything else he doesn't seem to hear but all the crass he definitely does..( yes i am talking to you ---pointing wildly at the sky) hmpf!!!  

A friend once  called me disgruntled and was it apt or was it apt...well i suppose i am disgruntled and maybe that's what my blog should have been called disgruntled...*sigh* another mistake...

oh please don't cry...i know its a painfully boring blog..and i shall take away the pain ...but before i end i will scroll back up  and change the title to ' disgruntled' , at least it ll remind me of him